Oh my. I can almost feel the collective cringing of reality television foes throughout the United States. Yes, it’s coming again! The ultimate guilty pleasure voyeuristic summer pastime will be upon us July 8. I’m talking CBS’ hit reality series, ‘Big Brother 12.’ This television show, perhaps like none other, is geared for us — the Internet crowd.
We’re the folks who tune into the 24/7 live feeds; we’re the ones who mock and ridicule those foolish enough to live three months of their lives in the scrutiny of the public eye. We’re the fans, the true fans of this sociological experiment. As such, I present my wish list for upcoming season …
I should make it clear that I don’t know what it’s like just to watch the show episodes. Since that first season when AOL partnered with ‘Big Brother,’ I’ve watched the live feeds. Yes, they were mighty choppy back on my old dial-up account. Yet there was something about this show which hooked me and reeled me in.
As we approach this twelfth season, I feel I have a vested interest here. I’ve been through the message boards, the chats, staying up to watch the endurance comps, writing up live feed reports … I’ve been through it all. Many of you have been along for the ride with me. Now it’s time to let CBS know what we’d like to see this season!
No Outrageous Twists
Spare me the silliness. No relatives, no ex-lovers, no previous relationships … please! Even when they don’t know each other and ‘Big Brother’ tries to hook ‘em up (case in point, ‘Big Brother 9′), it doesn’t work for me. If a real showmance is going to happen, let it happen. But don’t arrange it. (Hmmm … “real showmance” might be an oxymoron, but you know what I mean.) Let the show remain at its roots — strangers in a house.
Limit the “Mixologists,” Actor and Model Wannabes
Apparently bartenders have a lot of time on their hands and the show always has at least one in the cast. OK, I understand that not all that many folks can take time off from their careers to be away from it all for up to three months. But think about this — we’re in a recession, folks. A lot of talent is unemployed. Now is the time for them to jump in, earn stipend money and perhaps a half-million dollars!
While sex sells, I don’t necessarily want a cast full of pretty people. Actors and models are drawn to the show but rarely achieve any fame beyond the ‘Big Brother’ Cult Circle. Too many casting directors know their pitfalls, their temper tantrums, their failure to control boozing and the fact they tend to pick their noses or don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. We need real people, not just those who want to be a reality celebrities.
Speaking of Which, Give Us Diversity!
Too often the casting is really lopsided. When you have a token “old” person with a cast of twenty-somethings, it’s not diversity. We need a really diverse range of houseguests — in age, cultures, color, race, religion, political leanings, etc. Make it like the world in which we live. Simply by having folks from different walks of life, different backgrounds and such, you have the makings of “good TV.” When the cast is mostly people who haven’t moved out of their parents’ homes yet, we’re limited to conversations similar to, “I mean, like I like Justin Bieber, don’t you?” Sure, a representation of those people is part of diversity, but I never got into ‘The Real World.’ I want more from ‘Big Brother.’
Get Rid of the Chess Game
Perhaps in the beginning, it gave us an inkling as to who might be able to plan moves ahead. However, the chess game has led to hours and hours of boredom on the live feeds. One realizes that the correlation between chess strategy and ‘Big Brother’ strategy is basically a moot point. They’re nothing alike. Make it go away. In its place, more arts and crafts, maybe a Twister game. That could be fun. But I don’t want to watch people barely talking for hours on end unless they’re asleep. And then, of course, I can go to sleep. Heck, even a game of Scrabble might be more interesting than chess to feeds watchers.
To the Folks in Production
I understand that the houseguests can’t sing as it’s technically broadcasting songs you need to pay royalties on, but sheesh … don’t blare your theme music at us! It’s as bad as the vuvuzelas during the World Cup. You have to keep in mind that some of us have close neighbors and when the feeds go from a relatively quiet and considerate level in the middle of the night East Coast time to the theme at high volume, it’s just a bit jarring. Also, while you have four cameras, usually they’re paired in different views of the same action. Stop that. Four cameras, four separate rooms (or backyard, etc.).
A Few Notes to Those Cast
The show is in its final casting now. While people in the running can’t participate in message boards or let on that they might make it on the show, maybe some are out there reading up in anticipation. I have some words of advice for them. First, don’t cry all the time while playing the religious card yet screaming obscenities (Wahmber) — you’re going to alienate us and we will mock you mercilessly. Scratch the thought that you’re a “good person.” If you’re that good, righteous and squeaky-clean, you wouldn’t be exposing your life on national television and the Internet. You’re in it for the money and whatever fame may come your way.
Second, TALK TO US. Yes, I yelled that. Pardon me for the emotion, but you really need to talk to us. As a live feeds watcher, I grew endeared to even Evel Dick Donato as he got up early every morning and provided us with commentary. Just by including us instead of silently drinking his coffee, he won me over a bit. If nothing else, it humanized him. Marcellas talked to us, too. Yeah, he tended to speak to us when he was pouting. But at least he acknowledged us! The winner of the “Talk to the Internet” will always be Will Kirby. See if you can match him for imagination and interaction … I dare you!
Have I Left Anything Out?
Let me think a moment … oh, I’ve got it! If you have a loud shrieking kind of voice, please drop out of casting right now. We don’t want to have to constantly adjust the volume on the live feeds. What do you want to see (or not) on this season of ‘Big Brother’? Now, I know that some folks who despise the show are going to want to see it taken off the air. But, I ask … if you don’t like the show that much, why’d you just read this wish list? Maybe we want to see you in that house!
i love big bro..and i agree with pretty much all your wishes…Im just hoping that they stick with the hot guy that dosnt ever wear a shirt theme.