It’s official. Casey Jones is trying to out douche Lee with his chin fuzz. It’s like they both forgot the shave one area under their lip because they were too busy buying bedazzled shirts from Hollister. STOP IT. Oh, hey, Ryan started the show! Nice dramatic head turn there, guys. You really nailed the timing on that one. Yep, not one of messed that up. Insert eye roll here.
It was “Movie Night” on American Idol! A theme that we have seen year after year and yet I am still crossing my fingers praying that someone will choose “Eye of the Tiger.” Seriously, this show has been on for nine seasons and no one has chosen that cheese-filled delight for Movie Night? What a waste! I also would really like to see someone stand on stage and sing “The Imperial March” from Star Wars. Yeah, I realize there are no words, but wouldn’t it be awesome to see Big Mike under a giant spotlight dressed as Darth Vader singing “Dun dun dun dun DA dun DA dun DAH! Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun DA DAH! Dun! Duh duuuuh duhduhduh DUN duh DUN duhduhduh DAH DAH dun DA dun dun DA DAH!” That’s right. Epic win.
Oh, look everyone! This also marks another week where either Ellen Degeneres is getting smaller or her “fashionable” scarves have gotten bulkier. Yikes. How cold is it in that auditorium that she needs ten pounds of cashmere wrapped around her throat? Can’t a stagehand just turn on the heat?
Hey, guess what else happened this week? DUETS!! “I’m a little bit country” “I’m a little bit–” SHUT UP AND SING TWO SOLO SONGS LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO JUDGE DUETS IN MY RANKINGS!! IT’S FRUSTRATING!! Sorry, that just came out. But, seriously, why couldn’t we just have two songs each? Sure, the duets were pretty awesome this year. Like, abnormally awesome. Better than the duets from last year! Wait a minute! Maybe that’s the trick to this group of contestants! They aren’t the worst top 12 ever; they just needed to be paired up to make an incredibly awesome performer. It’s so simple!
Jamie Foxx was a good mentor last year so I was totally fine with him being called back. Then I realized that he was handing out the exact same criticism as last time and I became very disgruntled. Jamie! You were recorded last year on camera; we remember you doing all of this! The patented “get in their face” trick, the “seduce me” trick, the “artist or contestant” shtick. How about you reach into your incredibly shallow bag of tricks and pull out something new? Oh… t-shirts. Brilliant. Hey Jamie? Here’s a thought. Don’t give them shirts at all… because that’s effing stupid. They get, like, a thousand dollar wardrobe fund per week and you bring them a solid black shirt with iron on letters attached? Also, if I ever saw anyone walking around town in a shirt that said “ARTIST” I would punch them in their pretentious head and laugh. Just ridiculous, Jamie.
Let’s go to the rankings! This week I averaged the two performances to get this!
4. Lee Dewyze – Tonight Lee sang “Kiss From A Rose” and it was probably one of his worst performances of the final rounds. All of the familiar pitch problems returned and Lee’s “deer in the headlights” look returned with a ferocious vengeance. The falsetto was a train wreck and the verses were incredibly rough. This was not a performance that made me want to vote him into the top 3 and if Lee’s duet wasn’t brilliant than he would be in trouble. But, guess what? Lee’s duet was brilliant. Lee and Crystal paired up to sing “Falling Slowly” and it was absolutely incredible. The placement of the microphones allowed the two singers to tell the story to each other’s face and really milk the lyrics for everything they were worth. The harmonies were perfect and a few of them were unnecessarily difficult. There were one or two where a simpler harmony would have sufficed but they decided to go for the gold. It was also quite uncanny how much Lee sounded like the original artist. I loved when Kris Allen sang this song last year, but Lee’s gritty voice really fit well with the performance. NOT SAFE.
3. Michael Lynche – Mike wants to “bring it home to his city.” Hmm, does he think he’ll get a trophy? That’s something that hockey players say about the Stanley Cup. Weird introduction interview aside, “Will You Be There” certainly played to Lynche’s strengths as an R&B performer. It was an adequate performance, but nothing I could really jump out of my chair and get excited about. But, I did jump out of my chair when Simon said he didn’t know the movie Free Willy. OUTRAGE! That’s an American classic! Michael paired up with Casey James to sing “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” and delivered pristine vocals that were practically dripping with soul. It was yet another fantastic duet; every bit as strong as the one preceding it. Tomorrow’s exit will be determined by the strength of each contestant’s fan base. So, after saying that, we should be a little worried about Big Mike. NOT SAFE.
2. Casey James – Casey rocked that mandolin! Extra points for that! “Mrs. Robinson” fit Mr. James like a glove and placing himself in the middle of a throng of girls looking up at him in admiration was another nice touch to his overall strategy. The vocal was honest and simple, but also one of the most mature and well-rounded solo performances of the evening. Then, we got to see just how strong his guitar skills are when he paired up with Big Mike to sing “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman.” I like to call their duet group “Big and Tall.” Personally, I thought Casey did enough to make it into the top 3, but again, I would not be surprised to see him leave tomorrow due to his inability to attract a sizable voting audience. NOT SAFE. The only person I can truly say seems safe is…
1. Crystal Bowersox – Crystal returned to true form tonight with her gritty, dirt-filled rendition of “I’m Alright.” It was retooled and, aided by Crystal’s soulful tone, reigned supreme over the rest of the solo performances. Now, couple that with the amazing duet earlier in the evening, “Falling Slowly,” and we can clearly say that Crystal Bowersox had the best all-around night. Oh, except for the fact that, apparently, a bird flew into her hair at full speed and exploded. Also, her boyfriend was wearing a pair of American flag drawstring pants, because, you know, it was laundry day. NEVER GOING HOME.
Who should go home tomorrow?
Lee Dewyze
Who will go home tomorrow?
Casey James
See you next time!
NGH
Lee is so uncomfortable performing in front of crowds you can see the fear in his eyes his nerves get the best of him and his ability to sing goes out the window. That is why he was so good in his solo he had Crystal in front of him to lean on and forgot his fears because he had a friend to help him forget that millions of people were watching and judging him, he found the joy of just singing again, then once the song was finished he hid behind his guitar instead of placing it behind his back. His shyness is extreme and he can over come it but I think he will need a support group to do that and become comfortable and confident with himself, he will have to if he wants to be a performer.
At last, someone who sees Lee as I see him. The only thing I disagree with is his part in the duet being fantastic. Crystal’s voice dominated that duet. It also proved that Lee can sing with others better than he can as a solo artist. Not American Idol winner, in my opinion, but then neither was last year’s winner. Mediocrity is its own reward when it comes to getting votes on Idol. Pity.
As for this year’s duets topping last year’s. No. Nothing can top last year’s Slow Ride.
Slow Ride blew.