John Park said good-bye after a brief run on the Idol stage. This was probably the hardest elimination for me, though I did predict it (NAILED IT!), because John had such potential and it never came to fruition. Honestly, if he had performed on Tuesday the way he had on Thursday he might still be around. His voice was rich and had a strong baritone texture that very few male Idol contestants possess. It’s always confounded me when people tell me that a singer can’t be successful without a very high range. Either way, John made the classic Idol mistake. He kept picking songs for himself instead of songs that would showcase him and that led to two very forgettable performances.

Jermaine Sellers waited only a few moments after elimination before speaking in tongues at, around, and through the judges. Seriously, does this guy ever shut up? Quit rambling on about how this was “God’s plan.” Maybe it was “God’s plan” for you to win the competition but then you started acting like an a-hole and he was like, “Ehh… I’m going to need a different plan.” Quit excusing yourself and man up to some pretty annoying character traits. Then go and enroll in some grammar classes at your local community college. NAILED IT!

Michelle Delamor should be proud of herself. She started this competition off as relatively unseen and ended her run with a very brave song choice. Sometimes risks pay off! But, in your case, sometimes people hate Creed so much that they are physically incapable of picking up the phone and voting for such a plucky effort. Sorry, I just couldn’t vote for that! Every time I listened to the song I kept having these flashbacks of being beaten up by frat boys in popped collar polo’s while their pickup trucks’ radio was playing Scott Stapp gutturally whining about love and tolerance. Seriously! They were a Christian band! Why were you beating me up while listening to the music of Jesus?! Anyway, sorry Michelle. Enjoy your remaining night in the spotlight. But, I do have to say, NAILED IT!

Haeley Vaughn surprised me. I thought she would be around in another week because on Idol it is often better to be terrible than it is to be forgettable (ahem… Lacey Brown). But, apparently there were a lot of angry Miley Cyrus fans watching Haeley’s most recent attempt to impress the judges, because she is gone! Haeley could be great, but she needs years of vocal work. Anyway, I will miss her lisp and those ever-enlarging flowers stapled to the side of head.

So, currently my predictions stand at 5 out of 8.

Now that we’ve discussed the eliminated contestants let’s move on and make some snide comments and observations about the rest of the episode…

1. So, what was up with the epic five minute long introduction? There was more hype and unnecessarily built up suspense in those five minutes than in an entire season of Lost. Which, suffice it to say, is a lot.

2. Hahaha, towards the end of the “I’ve Got A Feeling” group number they couldn’t even fake it. The lip-synching was just terrible!

3. Michael Lynche is a ham.

4. John Park’s performance was vastly improved this episode!

5. Who else loves how nervous Alex Lambert is on these results shows? He just looked consistently I’m-about-to-pee-my-pants terrified. Even after he was pronounced safe!

6. Jermaine: “I’ll say this, in God, there’s no failure.” Yeah, well, in American Idol there is, so, uhh, get the @#$% of the stage.

7. So, now Danny Gokey is a country singer. In other news, Sarah Palin is shopping around a new reality show about Alaska! So, there you go, two examples of changing who you are in order to make a lot of money.

8. But, in all seriousness, Gokey will do really well in this genre and this song should be a small hit for him.

9. So, if you’re Danny Gokey’s manager, do you think about investing in a muzzle to shut him the hell up?

10. There is a dark basement somewhere that is the final resting place for hundreds of dead peacocks Lilly Scott maimed to create her earrings.

11. Michelle left and I reached for my remote so I didn’t have to hear Creed.

12. Wow, so scratch what I just said about Lilly, Katelyn’s feather earrings are so huge I’m suspecting she just taped a dead bird to the back of her head.

13. Haeley’s sing out was the definition of a Greek tragedy. It was a combination of pleasure (seriously, schadenfreude to the max) and pain (Haeley, just stop! Admiral Ackbar wants to tell you something: IT’S A TRAP!). Also, there was a chorus of girls off to the side weeping and singing as one voice.

14. On a final note: who else is seeing what I’m seeing? This is a very close group of kids this season. They all really care about each other and I don’t know if I’ve seen another group weep this much when one of them leaves. It’s interesting to watch.

See you next week!

NGH

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